Transparency item: The Perspectives section of the Graphic is comprised of articles based on opinion. This is the opinion and perspective of the writer.
Practicing self-discipline is an immediate switch between the mindset “I can’t” or “I don’t want to” to “I can and I care about myself enough to make it happen.” Over time, that kind of care builds good habits. More interesting to me, though, is its direct effect on confidence, the kind that runs deep and doesn’t depend on outsourcing approval.
Possibly the biggest player in the byproduct of confidence is the message one sends to themself in choosing discipline. In each action, whether it becomes a habit or not, there is a declaration of self-love attached. “I am worth the effort” is another way of saying “I love myself enough to go for it.”
When one chooses to get up early to move their body, study instead of scroll or save instead of splurge, they’re not just ticking boxes, they’re proving to themselves that they matter. They are showing their mind and body that they’re someone who follows through and who believes they deserve a good life.
People sometimes equate discipline and self-denial. Although self-denial is an important aspect in discipline, discipline is more so about directing the self. Unhelpful or destructive actions are not just withheld, but replaced with actions that are aligned with what one knows is the better route for them. From this form of self-respect, confidence grows naturally.
Knowing one can trust themself to do what needs to be done is worth more than any perception of perfection, or having already achieved what is perceived to be a good quality, in my experience.
Confidence can seem like it is arbitrarily assigned to certain people at birth, and that it’s something some are just born with. On the other hand, some feel debilitatingly prone to self-loathing or a stark lack of confidence.
However, confidence can reliably be built in anyone. It is built by evidence of small wins, which is taken in pieces over time.
Every time one sticks to their word, whether it’s going to the gym, writing an essay with enough time to edit it or setting a personal boundary, one collects a little piece of proof that one can rely on oneself. That proof is powerful, and often overlooked.
Those moments start to pile up until a person knows by default that they can handle things. If I’ve seen myself do hard things before, the next challenge doesn’t shake me as much. In this way, self-discipline quietly trains confidence. It’s not a loud or immediately noticeable confidence, but it builds an internal trust that is completely independent from external validation or shaky circumstances.
When a parent enforces bedtime or healthy meals, it’s usually not because they enjoy exercising control over their child. It is out of love and a desire for their best.
Self-discipline is doing that for oneself. Setting boundaries and routines is form of caring about one’s own wellbeing. It’s more accurately looked at as gentle love and movement towards what is good than being “hard” on oneself.
When a person approaches discipline from love rather than pressure, it becomes a lot less about control and a lot more about care. One isn’t fighting oneself anymore, or swimming against the current, by changing habits and shifting away from immediate desires. One is supporting oneself, and in fact choosing what is better suited to their deeper desire anyway.
Through care for the self and an expression of love, one creates a life that feels intentional, fulfilling and speaks to their more profound desires.
Confidence based on looks or social prowess is fragile. Because of a baseline understanding of this fragility, people who become attached to this sort of confidence might also become attached to the fear of its frailty.
Confidence based on trust of the self excludes the fear aspect. This kind of confidence feels calm, it is the gentle understanding of one knowing they can carry their own weight in whatever situation they may find themselves, because they’ve proven it repeatedly to themselves.
Self-discipline affords a person a sense of freedom they might not have expected. It’s in the act of breaking away from being a slave to whims and mood.
Once one sees that they can rely on their own consistency and care, confidence stops being something one chases, and becomes something one carries.
___________________
Follow the Graphic on X: @PeppGraphic
Contact Mahali Kuzyk via email: mahali.kuzyk@pepperdine.edu
