Transparency Item: The Perspectives section of the Graphic is comprised of articles based on opinion. This is the opinion and perspective of the writer.
Coming into Pepperdine as an international and first-generation college student, I had no idea what to expect. I wasn’t sure of myself, and I just felt like some sort of imposter. But there was a way out of these feelings.
Defining Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is a behavioral health phenomenon involving self-doubt, anxiety and the inability to internalize success. This can take the form of feeling like a fraud, despite having clear evidence to the contrary, according to an article in the National Library of Medicine.
Up to 82% of people experience imposter syndrome, according to an article by the National Institute of Health. Students at Pepperdine are no exception.
“I came to Pepperdine from a small town in Texas,” sophomore Anna Agee said. “I knew it was going to be harder, but I didn’t realize to what extent it would be — the first semester academically blindsided me.”
Anna doubted whether she even belonged at Pepperdine, wondering whether she should have gone to a state school she said. Something as simple as being a Pepperdine student comes with many perceived expectations.
“Being agnostic, I felt like an imposter as a Pepperdine student,” sophomore Bianca Welch said. “Everyone just seemed so confident in their faith. I had never been exposed to religion before. Was I just not faithful enough to be a Pepperdine student?”
A Question of Identity
Imposter syndrome involves feelings of insufficiency and fraudulence regarding an identity, according to an article in the Biophysical Society.
Welch and Agee both said they saw their identities as Pepperdine students compromised — Agee for her intelligence, Welch for her faith.
Jean-Paul Sartre questions identity in his book “Being and Nothingness.” Sartre describes a man who tries to identify as a waiter completely and questions whether he succeeds.
An individual will never succeed in fully identifying with a social position. When an individual identifies as a waiter, he/she only acts as a waiter, wrote Sartre. A subject who attempts to completely identify with a position is in bad faith.
Being a waiter, teacher or college student will never be one’s entire identity. The flaw with identifying with a social position or occupation is that it is only one aspect of one’s identity.
I often have multiple identities at once. I am a student; I am a writer; I am an athlete. Yet, none of these identities fully represent me — they represent little aspects of my identity.
I am more than all these identities combined.
The fixation on a single identity and its association with perfection leads to feelings of imposter syndrome.
Abolishing Perfectionism
When I associate perfection with a position, I create a false idol. Being a teacher, student or athlete will never perfectly represent me. Positions are contextual; they will always fail to represent an individual fully.
“If I have seen further, it is only because I stand on the shoulders of giants,” according to Isaac Newton one of the founding fathers of physics. Newton only saw those that preceded him as perfected giants of science, never himself.
It was only due to Newton’s perceived greatness of previous scientists that he could be so great. If you had asked the previous generation of scientists about their inspirations, I suspect they too stood on the shoulders of giants.
I doubt anyone ever thinks of themselves as the perfect example of any occupation. Perfection suggests a level of stagnation — a lack of growth.
Imperfection is where true beauty lies. Only in my unique imperfections can I grow and act in pursuit of an ideal.
A Philosophy of the Act
When I identify with a position, I don’t refer to some static abstract concept of a position. Instead, I refer to my actions. When I say I am a good student, I mean that I study for tests, attend classes, do well in them, etc.
Seeing a position as a collection of actions makes a position much more approachable. Occupations and social positions seem to float in time. A person can’t simply be a smart student right now, but they can act like one.
Actions externalize one’s identities and make them more approachable.
Reconceptualizing identities into actions was the first turning point for Welch and Agee in overcoming imposter syndrome.
“I had learned about imposter syndrome in high school,” Welch said. “I realized what I was going through, sat down and asked myself, ‘What are you going to do about it?'”
While Welch sought guidance from professors and staff, Agee went to those who knew her well.
“Over winter break, I went to my parents, and they told me all the things I needed to do to catch up on my grades,” Agee said. “I began to make study guides for all my classes, attending as many office hours as possible.”
Communion in imperfection
Feelings of loneliness often accompany imposter syndrome. A big part of being an imposter is being isolated while everyone else is confident in themselves.
“I knew that most people go through it,” Welch said. “I heard about it in high school. I knew other people were experiencing it, but I wasn’t experiencing it with other people.”
Despite knowing of the existence of imposter syndrome, Welch and Agee both felt like they were alone in their struggles.
“I never felt like anyone else was suffering through imposter syndrome while I was going through it,” Agee said. “I felt like everyone seemed so secure in their positions. I felt like I was the only one who didn’t deserve to be here.”
In Christianity, one of the main purposes of the church is to be a space where Christians can hold communion with one another, knowing their common identity as sinners made in the image of God, according to Genesis 1:27. Through community and joint worship, their suffering in a state of sin is alleviated.
The church shows the benefits of vulnerability and mutual reinforcement. If I had one piece of advice for those who have imposter syndrome, religious or not, it’d be just to reach out — be vulnerable to your friends, family or anyone you trust.
“When I went to my religion professor, he pulled up the anonymous grade sheets of previous students, showing me that I wasn’t alone in my struggles,” Welch said. “That really helped me.”
Learning you are not alone is a step in the right direction.
“I was relieved to see that many of my classmates had a similar experience,” Agee said. “It was nice hearing I wasn’t the only one going through all of that.”
To anyone who suffers from feelings of imposter syndrome, I hope you know that you aren’t alone.
If you need professional help, do not hesitate to contact the Pepperdine Counseling Center at 310.506.4210
24/7 Crisis Hotline at 310.506.4210
______________________________
Follow the Graphic on Twitter: @PeppGraphic
Contact Arik Chu via email: arik.chu@pepperdine.edu or via Instagram: @arik_chu
