The romantic comedy film, “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” follows the relationship between Andie, a lifestyle and fashion magazine writer, and Benjamin, an advertising executive.
As Composure’s (lifestyle and fashion magazine from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) “how-to” girl, Andie’s newest article “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” requires she shows women everything not to do in a relationship by performing every girlfriend faux pas and getting a guy to break up with her within 10 days.
Meanwhile, Ben must get a woman to fall in love with him in 10 days for a workplace bet. Andie tries to get rid of Ben and through gritted teeth and Ben does everything possible to hold on to Andie.
As I entered the school year, just like most students at Pepperdine, I was greeted by many friends and acquaintances. When catching up with them, I also caught onto some unintentional behaviors that would shift the mood of the conversation to its end.
I found it unfortunate, since I think that conversations add beauty to our day-to-day lives. Just as there are sure-fire ways to get broken up with, there are numerous ways to halt conversations.
A huge part of being a college student is the ability to communicate. That includes reaching out to friends and professors for assistance and greeting people.
Being a journalism student, I partake in much of this communication through the interviews I arrange. What I have come to recognize as a missing factors within conversations is the quality of language and demeanor.
Diana Martinez and Jolie Gutentag, both of whom are professors and communication researchers, gave some insight on what today’s crisis is within communication.
Gutentag has 25 years of professional experience, she said. She has worked in marketing at companies like Procter & Gamble and Nestle, and she has been a CEO and CMO for companies throughout Europe.
She speaks fluent German, English and some Spanish. In these roles, she said her primary focus was business development through cooperation.
“Communication is probably one of the key abilities that you need to have in business,” Gutentag said.
Much of Gutentag’s work involves consumer research, she said. Meaning, to push a product or business Gutentag had to listen to and interview consumers to understand what they needed. One behavior that would shut a conversation down in her expertise was the act of not listening.
“The person who is actually the smartest in the room is the one who listens the most, who can just ask a few questions and really hear what people are saying and then poke them to give you more information,” Gutentag said.
Listening is a sign of interest. I find that the act of listening involves learning and awareness. Sometimes, people are a better source of information than any news article.
I find that being a good listener allows you to be exposed to the simplest ideas that can change your own life. I know mine changed when I listened to all my friends’ Trader Joe’s recommendations.
Another thorn in a conversation can be the act of carrying out an unorganized thought. Issues can arise from not being able to articulate yourself in various ways, including through writing or formal presentation.
To become a better communicator, Gutentag recommends practice and interest. It takes genuine interest in conversations to learn and practice techniques you want to adopt.
“I think you can pick up that skill so much-even if you’re an introvert – just by listening to others,” Gutentag said.
I think the issue of carrying out unorganized thoughts goes beyond perception and into an emotional realm.
I think that disordered communication is not limited to a bad presentation at work, but also to our emotional responses.
Communication tips Gutentag recommends are consistent language and engagement. In a professional environment, inconsistent language can be off-putting and even costly.
In terms of personal relationships, get off of your phone, engage with people and enjoy the company.
Martinez spends a lot of time reading, keeping up with current events, researching and working with the Pepperdine Journal of Communication Research, she said. She is working on a textbook chapter on LatinX rhetorical theories for an open-source book for the University of Minnesota, a book chapter on podcasting and a book proposal for her next book.
Martinez’s research centers around studying debates and understanding the field’s end and beginning, she said. For example, communication started with the analysis of speeches and has evolved into looking at texts with different concepts and theories. Inclusivity of cultural aspects also plays a major role in communication research.
“I think it’s always important, no matter which audience you write to, to be as clear as possible and to be the least convoluted,” Martinez said. “It is very easy to kind of get caught up in a theoretical aspect of something.”
This is similar to Gutentag’s advice for language consistency. Not only do you want to listen, but you also want to be listened to. Therefore, conversations don’t necessarily have to be short, but they need to be sweet enough to be savored.
One of the ways I learned about the sweetness of a short conversation was actually through my research interests. Whether I was studying STEM or communication research, I noticed that research articles addressed topics directly, without any additional details.
According to Martinez, another way to lose a conversation is to get lost in the story. To avoid this, she recommends having a clear sense of where a conversation begins, such as an intro, and where the conversation ends, like a conclusion.
Martinez’s favorite conversation starter, or intro, is asking someone about their origin story. It can add a special touch to the conversation you are about to have.
The act of being direct is the act of being considerate.
In a formal setting, like a professional meeting, it is important to get to the point fast and efficiently so you can not only share your idea, but simultaneously gain trust. In a personal setting, like a conversation, the act of being direct extends your vocabulary and your use of details.
I think that another guaranteed way to lose a conversation is through a lack of enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is energetic and exemplifies excitement and interest. It controls the environment, subsequently creating more engagement and interest. A conversation with lots of enthusiasm tends to end smoothly, politely and memorably in my experience.
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Contact Ellya Asatryan via email: ellya.asatryan@pepperdine.edu
