Transparency Item: The Perspectives section of the Graphic is comprised of articles based on opinion. This is the opinion and perspective of the writer.
First dates can be nerve-racking. There is the outfit planning, trying to think of what to say, and all the feelings that go with it. As a single person, I am worried about what my date may think of me.
All kinds of questions may overwhelm someone’s mind. What if I say the wrong thing? What if they don’t like what I’m wearing? Should we split the bill or does that send the wrong message?
What if the date is super boring or rude? Unfortunately, these first dates are required to eventually get into a relationship.
These first dates can be really scary, but they can also be really fun and exciting. I believe it is all in the mindset someone has going into the date.
I’ve gone on a couple of first dates recently, and while I still have butterflies in my stomach, I learned how to make the best of them. Most importantly, I learned how to have fun.
On one date, I was really nervous beforehand. I couldn’t decide what to wear, I didn’t want to be overdressed or underdressed.
I got to the restaurant and the nervousness made me feel more nauseous than excited. I was so nervous. The conversation started to flow though.
I realized I was just getting to know a new friend. Even if there is romantic interest, that’s all it really is, getting to know someone.
The restaurant was loud, and we could barely hear each other talk. There were some awkward pauses in the conversation, and we both would blush and laugh through them.
I ended up having a great time. It didn’t end in a relationship, but I gained a friend. Thinking about it as just getting to know a new friend changed the experience for me entirely.
I went on another first date recently and was so nervous. He came to meet me at my apartment, and we decided to walk to a sushi restaurant not too far away.
The nerves disappeared when I remembered that learning about the other person was the goal.
We sat at the sushi bar discussing all kinds of different topics, made each other laugh quite a bit and ended up having such a wonderful time together.
It felt like having dinner with an old friend. I was relaxed, comfortable and able to enjoy myself.
Instead of focusing on if I was saying the wrong thing or wondering if I was wearing the wrong thing, I focused on the conversation.
I answered questions honestly rather than thinking of what I should say. I listened and asked questions when he said something that piqued my interest.
I got to learn a lot about this person in the span of a couple of hours, and I felt like I really let him get to know the true me as well.
I asked about his family, where they have traveled to what his dreams and goals are right now. He asked me similar questions in return.
By asking deeper questions rather than asking about a favorite movie or color, I got to know him on a much deeper level. This made the date much more enjoyable.
The nerves can be so much fun when a new relationship is starting, but too often they can ruin the time someone spends on a date.
A date, in reality, is just an opportunity to learn about someone. There is no need to stress or put pressure on the situation.
Maybe it’s not a soulmate on the other side of the restaurant table or maybe it won’t even lead to a second date. That doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be enjoyable.
At the end of the day, to know if two people are compatible, they both have to be their authentic selves.
People shouldn’t worry about what the other person thinks of their outfit or if they’re saying the wrong thing.
Someone going on a first date should focus on getting to know that person and having a good time. It’s going to be what you make of it. So relax and try to enjoy the time.
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Contact Chloe Anna Austria via email: chloeanna.austria@pepperdine.edu or by Instagram: @chloeannaaustria
