Transparency Item: The Perspectives section of the Graphic is comprised of articles based on opinion. This is the opinion and perspective of the writer.
Growing up in an environment with divorced parents is no easy task for a child. You see your friends’ parents and families and envy that picture-perfect family you never quite had.
I grew up in a similar, yet strikingly unique situation. My parents didn’t divorce until my junior year of high school, but the 16 years before that were far from perfect.
Because of this odd home environment, I found it hard to feel truly connected to my parents.
But, when their divorce came along, it was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I grew so close to each of them and created such a special and tight-knit bond with each of them as individuals — I was finally relieved of the stress of picking sides and being under one stress-filled roof.
The sad part, however, is this bond formed during my senior year of high school, just one short year before I went to college.
As college decisions rolled around, and I decided I would be moving down the coast to Malibu, great fear took over my mind that I would lose these connections I worked so hard to create.
In a surprising turn of events, however, the opposite happened: I grew closer to my parents.
Despite being a first-year student who’s only been at Pepperdine for six weeks now, the fact that I could recognize this bond strengthening in such a short time shows me how remarkable this discovery has truly been.
What we as young adults often fail to recognize is, no matter how close we are with our parents, we usually lack some of the most intimate and simple conversations one can have.
When one lives with their parents and sees them multiple times a day — sometimes wishing to just be left alone — it gets easy to forget to include their parents in the most basic yet significant details about themself.
Since being here at Pepperdine, I have texted both of my parents at least once every day and usually FaceTime or call them once a week on top of that. Sure, we don’t have as many conversations as we did while living under the same roof, but our decrease in conversation time has led to an increase in involvement with each other’s lives.
Texts to my mom usually include photos of food I’m eating, outfits I’m wearing or funny pictures my friends take of me that I know would confuse her.
My personal favorite was the close-up I sent her of Chris Pratt the other week to which she responded, “How are you that close to him!” One of these days, maybe she’ll understand the concept of zooming in to take a picture.
As for my dad, we both share a common difficulty in responding to texts, so we find more success in setting up Zoom calls to chat and see each other’s faces — aside from the random TikToks he sends me at 1 a.m., that “remind him of me.”
During these Zooms, we catch up on our weeks, and I always make sure I get quality face time with the family dog, Buckley, who I know is missing me dearly. My personal favorite of these Zoom calls had to be when I told my dad I had something new to show him.
His immediate reaction was to say, “Oh no, please don’t tell me it’s an engagement ring.” Luckily for him, his muscles relaxed when I showed him the tattoo I got the week prior — never in a million years would I have pictured that to be a relief to him.
What I’ve cherished most, though, is how much more I lean on my parents for the little things even though I’m not home with them anymore.
When I’ve been doing homework for one too many hours, I take a break to shoot my dad a quick text because I know his responses never fail to bring a smile to my face. When I’ve had a bad day and need to let my anger out or cry, I go for a walk and call my mom.
Despite not sharing that home space anymore, they are now, more than ever, my only true safe spaces.
So, what started out as my biggest fear turned out in the end to be my biggest blessing. I never expected moving farther from home to bring me closer to my parents, but I feel so grateful every day to be connected to them over the phone, whether it’s for a picture of Chris Pratt or for me to talk their ears off.
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Email Amanda Monahan: amanda.monahan@pepperdine.edu
