“I wish …” “If only …” such are the beginnings of thoughts that can grow into reality-changing ideas and actions. In the middles of these thoughts comes an element essential to communicating their possibility: subjunctive verbs. Please resist the temptation to put down the paper now that we’ve mentioned language rules, and follow us down the rabbit hole into the wonderful world of the subjunctive.
The subjunctive is anything but a dry, outdated feature of grammar for pedants and sticklers. It belongs to the dreamers of every educational class, to everyone who seeks a change in his or her world. It belongs even in Edgar’s dreams: “If only California were still a part of Mexico I wouldn’t need a green card.” Used properly, the subjunctive can stir the heart to imagine a new possibility or to explore a freeing fantastic departure from reality.
Unfortunately English is anything but simple. Oftentimes evolving English leaves behind old rules that once made the language beautiful and instead incorporates newfangled rules. Fortunately for you we have taken a stand. It is not too late to save the subjunctive! To illustrate its importance we turn to an underappreciated subjunctive supporter: Beyoncé Knowles.
Beyoncé’s “If I Were a Boy” capitalizes on the wishful imaginative qualities of the subjunctive mood. Technically the lyrics call for the subjunctive because of introductory phrases to a conditional clause (“I would understand”). But at a more meaningful level the singer leans on the subjunctive to create a sense of detachment from the raw facts of her pain and a desire for a change to the status quo of inter-gender misunderstanding.
The song expresses a longing for greater empathy and clearer communication in relationships and Beyoncé’s use of the subjunctive “were” elevates listeners to her imagined realm where men understand all the problems of their women. Now the subjunctive doesn’t work like magic (no verb tense could bring this realm into reality) but it does invite us to share in her dream.
It should be noted however that Beyoncé did not write the song. An artist by the name of B.C. Jean did. Nevertheless Beyoncé did not change the lyrics of the song ruining the grammatical harmony that it had and for that she is commended.
In contrast Gwen Stefani misappropriates verbs along with “Fiddler on the Roof” lyrics in “If I Was a Rich Girl.” Oddly enough Stefani’s song is a cover of Tevye’s “If I Were a Rich Man.” That song correctly uses the subjunctive. It is a mystery what prompted Ms. Stefani to make the incorrect change from “were” to “was.” In doing so she carelessly shoves a past tense “was” into her conditional constructions. Logically she must be referring to the past then; and No Doubt she was wealthy in her previous musical endeavors. So why the conditional “if”?
A careful review of the song reveals that she actually means to create a sense of possibility of what she could do with all the money in the world. She should have said “If I were a rich girl.” Unfortunately Gwen’s bad grammar leaves the discriminating listener confused and uninspired to visualize any reality other than her previous fortune.
Though we tend to only learn of the subjunctive in foreign language classes this tricky tense or mood has a critical if less visible role in English as well. A plentitude of other Indo-European languages use the subjunctive to express a wish emotion possibility judgment opinion necessity or action. Sadly ignorant blondes like Gwen replace the subjunctive with the preterite or past tense rendering possibility dead in the water.
Possibility is most entertainingly explored by science fiction literature and film. With as much sci-fi as the United States produces it really is a wonder that the subjunctive is so underappreciated in modern American society. Sci-fi constantly asks the question: “What if?” Nevertheless the profusion of sci-fi in the States has not solidified the subjunctive in citizens’ style.
But there are so many realities within your reach if you were to use the subjunctive. Properly appropriated the subjunctive opens doors to new galaxies of possibility waiting just outside the void that is poor grammar. These galaxies await explorers — grammatical cosmonauts wearing life-sustaining suits built of proper usage.
So next time you are sitting in your 8 a.m. on a Monday thinking to yourself “I wish it was Friday,” remember: You don’t wish it was Friday. You wish it were Friday.