Sarah Pye
Associate Editor
With our first month of school behind us and the newness of a new semester wearing off rapidly, the time has come to begin making plans for the rapidly approaching Spring Break. Nothing says “Spring” like “the end of February,” and after a grueling not-quite-two-months back in class, we’re all going to be yearning to escape the cold and gloom of Southern California for some exotic, celebrity-filled beach somewhere. So don’t let Spring Break sneak up on you without making travel plans, because, after all, who wants to be stuck in Malibu?
Step one: Pick companions
Before you even start considering possible travel destinations for Spring Break, give careful consideration to your selection of travel partners. Nothing can turn a Caribbean cruise into a ship of horrors like a cabin-mate prone to seasickness; even the best-planned road trip can turn disastrous if your friend in the backseat needs to make a pit stop every 50 miles. The best way to determine your ideal traveling companions? Make up a questionnaire and have all potential travel buddies fill it out. Don’t leave out important items such as “Are you willing to provide your traveling companions with delicious baked goods?” and “How would you rate your level of bladder control?”
Step two: Scope out details
Unless you have selected Paris Hilton as your travel companion (which, incidentally, would be a very poor decision: she never brings snacks and her dog is inclined to motion sickness), chances are you’ll have to be watching your finances. But fear not: With the rise of Internet sites such as Expedia and Priceline, even the most luxurious destinations can be affordable. Hahaha … OK, so that was a total lie. All the desirable places to go are not in your price range. You’re going to be stuck with a choice between the 5:15 a.m. flight to Boise, Idaho, on one of the “no frills” (read: no food/movie/seats/sober pilots) airlines, or a Greyhound to Akron, Ohio. On $24 a day, these are the choices, friends.
Step three: Pick a destination
So you’ve figured out the Los Angeles to Akron bus schedule, and now it’s time to purchase your ticket. To get the “full experience,” bypass the Internet ticket purchase and mosey on down to the downtown bus depot, fare in hand. Actually, it’s probably better to mosey on down with fare in a secure, discrete money belt tucked safely into your pants — there are some pretty shady characters hanging around the bus depot. But pay them no mind: You and your friends are just a few steps away from the ultimate Spring Break getaway, and you’re not going to let anything stand in your way.
Step four: Plan sightseeing
Before you depart, you’ll want to buy a guidebook to your destination, or at least scope out its Web site. After all, Akron boasts many exciting cultural attractions, including the Akron Symphony, Ohio Ballet and even the Akron Museum of Art, which is currently featuring a large sculpture of what appears to be SpongeBob SquarePants’ trusty companion, Patrick Star (really — check it out for yourself at www.akronartmuseum.org). With careful planning, you can catch all these sights and more, because what’s a rockin’ Spring Break trip without taking in a performance of “Peter and the Wolf”?
Step five: Pack accordingly
Even though you’re not hitting Miami Beach on this budget-conscious Spring Break adventure, there’s no reason you shouldn’t get to sport your microscopic bikini like the Cabo San Lucas crowd. You’ll cause quite a spectacle strolling down the streets of Akron in your halter-top and hot pants, but when the “Girls Gone Wild” camera crew shows up, you’re sure to receive top billing. And short skirts and tube tops take up a lot less room in a suitcase than the “sensible” parka-and-snowpants ensemble that your mother would encourage you to wear. Spring Break is no time for sensibility — you’re going to Akron to par-tay, and your wardrobe should definitely reflect all the cheap trashiness this usually entails.
Step six: Hit the road
You’ve picked your travel companions wisely, secured your tickets, packed your suitcase — now you’re ready for the Ultimate Spring Break Cross Country Greyhound Bus Trip. Break out the stereo and the non-alcoholic Margarita mix and get the celebration started en route. Invite your fellow travelers to partake — you never know — that guy missing three teeth and a finger in the row behind you might just be quite the party animal. And remember, you may be headed to Akron, but at least you’re not one of those losers stuck in Malibu for Spring Break!
02-10-2005
