KERIANN BOONE
Staff Writer
Freshman girls, welcome to Pepperdine. The next four years might be the last four that you will have the occasion to meet so many eligible bachelors in one setting. The window of opportunity to get hitched is getting smaller by the day, though, so act promptly. Fortunately, you can achieve this goal in five easy steps.
Step One: Buy a new wardrobe
In case you haven’t noticed yet, Pepperdine is a fashion show. This means the competition is high, but never fear — the ideal outfit to sport to class is simple. Your primary accessory will be the largest designer bag you can find. Backpacks are a fashion faux pas on campus. Next, be sure to buy a pair of Seven jeans. They make anyone’s derriere instantly desirable. You may wear the top of your choice to show your individuality, but sequins or any other shiny material that draw attention won’t hurt. Complete the ensemble with four-inch stiletto heels (remember, fashion equals pain) and economy-size, clear designer sunglasses.
Step Two: Learn to cook as soon as possible
This is a skill that will come especially handy in luring the opposite sex. College men rarely eat anything other than Caf burgers and Top Ramen. This means that your cooking by no means needs to be stellar. Your best bet is to prepare meals just like Mom used to make: meat, mashed potatoes and lots of gravy. No guy can deny this offer. Once you have mastered the meal, invite guys over for dinner as often as possible. This need not be a “date,” per se. Rather, casually mention that you and your apartment mates are going to make a really yummy dinner tonight, and he’s free to swing by if he wants to eat. Remember, no college man will ever refuse a free meal.
Step Three: Mark every campus ministries event down on the calendar
Regular attendance to Wednesday Night Worship, University Ministry, Celebration Chapel and Sunday Worship are crucial. These are prime locations to meet plenty of young men who are searching for the same thing you are — marriage. Meet these men, befriend them, date them. They are prime candidates for popping the big question.
Step Four: Rush a soroity
Once you join the sorority of your choice, you will make instant connections in the dating world. These girls can offer their new pledges a pool of men they deem “dateable.” Beware not to trespass into the male regions already claimed by other sororities, as they can be territorial. Your sorority is vital to your future marriage, because — as often is proclaimed in the rush room — “these girls will be the bridesmaids at your wedding someday.” Keep this in mind when choosing which sorority to join, since some people just don’t look good in peach.
Step Five: Call Pepperdine and reserve Stauffer Chapel
You’ll want to reserve the chapel for two occasions. The first, of course, will be a candle passing, which is a sorority event where you will announce the big news to your squealing sisters, who will then ask when the big date is. But having followed these five steps, you’ll be prepared to answer because the second chapel booking is the actual wedding. Be sure to call Pepperdine at least six months in advance to ensure that you can be scheduled into their ever-growing list of other graduates who are booking their own weddings.
With these five simple steps, you are practically guaranteed to fulfill nearly every Pepperdine freshman girl’s dream of getting a ring on her finger by the time she graduates. Now, go out there and get
married.
09-29-2005
