Sarah Pye
Associate Editor
Welcome back to school, kids! How about this weather, huh? OK, so it’s not the 72-degrees-and-sunny forecast that we’ve all come to take for granted, but on the upside, it’s starting to look like we’re not going to have to attend our Monday classes until, oh, say, February. Anyhow, just follow these five steps that will help even the most sun-loving California girl (or boy) learn to love the rain.
Step one: Watch the news
The best way to cope with treacherous weather situations is to remain informed. Luckily, there are about 63,000 local news stations in Southern California, and when the forecast dips out of its usual 70-to-78-degree range, the weatherpersons on those stations start to panic. Therefore, in a time of drastic weather conditions such as these, you can bet that you’ll find round-the-clock coverage of every downed tree limb, waterlogged mobile home park and overflowing storm drain within a 200-mile radius. The bonus to watching all the TV storm coverage: You get to laugh at all the poor rookie reporters who have been sent up to Big Bear, who are forced to stand about in driving snow and make pertinent observations such as: “Well it’s really coming down up here! I can’t feel my toes! Back to you in the studio, Chuck!”
Step two: Dress the part
As veterans of inclement weather can attest, proper attire is a must during a rainstorm. That Ugg-boots-and-mini-skirt combo might be great 358 days out of the year in Southern California, but during our annual one week of bad weather, fashion is going to have to take the back seat to function. Your wardrobe will have to go in a less sheepskin, more vinyl direction — because there’s nothing that will keep you drier than synthetic fabrics. First on your list of must-haves are galoshes, preferably ones printed with little yellow ducks or something. Also necessary are a poncho in an atrociously bright color (perhaps yellow to match the boots?), a floppy rain hat and an oversized umbrella. Bonus points if you get the one from Disneyland with the Mickey Mouse ears attached.
Step three: Sand is your friend
With your constant monitoring of the weather situation via KCAL 9, you should be among the first to know when the situation starts getting serious. And when the water starts to rise, it’s always a good idea to start considering that flood-prevention staple: the sandbag. The good news? Sand is pretty easy to find around these parts. Just wade on down to Zuma Beach and presto! Sandbagger’s heaven. So pile as much sand as you can into the bed of your pickup truck (or, for the less prepared, the back seat of your Toyota Corolla) and motor on back to campus. Then you can commence to fortress your dorm room with a nice, protective layer of sand. Don’t worry when your suitemates laugh at you — they’ll all want in on the action when Lower Dorm Road starts to resemble the Los Angeles River.
Step four: That’s entertainment
So you’ve monitored the news, put on your finest rain gear and fortified your home with sand. Now all that’s left is entertaining yourself while trapped indoors by the storm. Sure, the first part of a rainy-day at home is easily filled watching daytime TV, but there are only so many “Full House” and “Step By Step” reruns a person can handle. After about nine-straight hours, you may want to venture away from the television set for a while in search of other fun activities. Consider rearranging the furniture, snooping through your roommate’s belongings, and crank calling your professors from the past semester to pass the time. Better yet, rearrange your roommate’s furniture while snooping through her stuff. When she comes home and catches you, you can both have a good laugh and then go together to crank call that professor who gave you both C’s.
Step five: Start paddling
Hey, we all read about him in Religion 101, and it’s no secret: That Noah was a pretty smart guy. When his hometown had a bit of a rainstorm, did he just sit around letting his socks get soggy? No, siree. He built an ark. Just like you should. But don’t bother with that whole two of each species things … you don’t want a bunch of caribou prancing around, messing up your nice clean ark. Instead, think of it as a money-making endeavor: when the big floods come, your fellow students will be willing to pay top dollar for a space on your boat.
01-13-2005
