Virgo
Invest in dry shampoo. On second thought, just shower.
Scorpio
This is the last horoscope you’re getting from us for a while, so make it count.
Capricorn
Your stars will align and you’ll find $20, which will actually end up being fake; don’t worry, though, the cashier will believe you when you say you found it and not call the cops.
Pisces
Everyone knows you’re just wearing that cap because your hair looked weird today. Stop drawing attention to yourself.
Taurus
Wouldn’t it be great if System of a Down released a new album soon?
Cancer
Your car will be towed, which will eventually lead to a funny story of how you met your spouse.
Libra
VapoRub is your best friend this cold and sinus infection season.
Sagittarius
Yes, ARTPOP is as stunning and exceptional as you expected it to be.
Aquarius
Rip off the head of your cherished childhood toy and stop living in the past.
Aries
I wouldn’t if I were you.
Gemini
Sending good vibes, not that you need it, rock star.
Leo
You’ve been a space-case for the past week, and it’s beginning to interfere with your schoolwork. Have you considered medication?
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As published in the Nov. 14 issue of the Pepperdine Graphic.
