Virgo
Sour Patch Kids are delicious. That’s it, that’s your horoscope.
Scorpio
Read a book that is on or has been on a banned/challenged books list.
Capricorn
You need more citrus in your diet.
Pisces
You should probably catch up on all that studying you have expertly put off.
Taurus
It’s been proven that pop music can help you study, so BUMP IT UP!
Cancer
Self-reflect on any bigotry you have internalized over the years (that’s right, you get a serious one).
Libra
Stay away from those who are sick, unless you are the one who is sick, in which case why are you outside contaminating everyone with your germs?
Sagittarius
Write an innocuous feminist joke and watch the misogynists pile up.
Aquarius
Watch a marathon of “Hey Arnold” and let the nostalgia wash over you.
Aries
Hand sanitizer is your friend.
Gemini
Listen to “Welcome to Night Vale.” It’s a podcast. You’re welcome.
Leo
Find out who stole Bart’s Butterfinger.
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Follow Edith Lagos on Twitter: @LagosTacos
As published in the Sept. 19 issue of the Pepperdine Graphic.