Aquarius
This is a perfect week for you to finally start jogging. Or not. You’re perfect just the way you are, and jogging is the worst.
Aries
Someone is going to spill water on your laptop. You won’t be able to stop it, but try to act surprised when it happens.
Cancer
Do not, under any circumstances, let anyone borrow your car. The fact that people let anyone borrow their car is ridiculous. It’s a car, not a pen.
Capricorn
Don’t drink any water. You’re 70 percent water; why do you need more in your system? You’re just being selfish at this point.
Gemini
Wearing sunscreen would be a good idea. Really, it’s a good idea any time the sun’s out. You can never protect your skin too much from harmful UV rays.
Leo
Do not touch any spiders. TRUST ME.
Libra
This is your week to discover what ASMR videos are on YouTube. Hint: they’re relaxing.
Pisces
You are going to win a sweepstakes, unless you didn’t enter, thinking no one ever wins at those silly things anyway. You need to learn to have some faith.
Sagittarius
Try water painting or something to that effect.
Scorpio
You definitely should eat that extra piece of cake this time; you deserve it.
Taurus
Try eating alligator this week. You will finally like it this time around.
Virgo
Don’t go to sleep in the dark. You don’t want to know why.
As published in the Aug. 26, 2013 issue of the Pepperdine Graphic.
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Follow Edith Lagos on Twitter: @LagosTacos