My eyes take in the blinding sun as it glistens above the water, beginning its descent and illuminating the sky with pink clouds. I can barely notice my laborious breathing as I turn around and see the view after a long journey from main campus to the School of Law Caf. This has become an ordinary occurrence I am fond of: the beauty and the burning calves.
Exactly a month from today, I will be finished with the stair-induced leg cramps, the impossible parking and the convenient proximity to the ocean. At the end of this semester I will be graduating, and Seaver College will no longer be my daily destination. As many seniors are experiencing, I have mixed emotions about this. One minute, I’m sighing relief that Convocation credits will not exist, while the next minute I’m panicking because I feel unprepared for a world beyond the Pepperdine bubble.
Most days are exciting and filled with new memories with (now) old friends. Laughter and early nostalgia are beginning. Whether it’s reminiscing of a time when running through the streets of Amsterdam rushing to make the final night train was normal, or casual gatherings to watch American Horror Story, senior year has had its highlights.
But some days, it’s panic. Sheer, semi-irrational panic. Dozens of resumes and cover letters have been dispersed, but I do not know where I will end up. School is where I’ve found myself for more than two-thirds of my life, and now I’m almost finished with the routine I know best. Will someone hire me in this competitive market? Will the trickling sweat on my upper lip be the deciding factor in an interview? What if I am good in a classroom but not in a cubicle? Neurons fire as each thought invades my mind. After a momentary freakout, my mind thankfully calms and I’m back on track to the present.
The good news is I am not alone. Sure, I may be going through this with more urgency than other seniors, but I am still not in solitude. Senior year is a flurry of emotions, as you can see. What really happens this year is a reflection on the past four years: memories, mistakes and everything in between.
I know I went through a series of months questioning whether or not Pepperdine was the right fit for me — asking myself what it would be like if I went to a liberal arts school with class sizes breaking 30, or a school without International Programs. Nights have been spent reliving experiences — good and bad — and it has all come down to being content with where I am and the choice I made.
I could not always say this with sincerity, but today, it is truer than Turk and J.D.’s bromance. There have been days, maybe years, when I dissed superficial interactions, forceful Convocations and hushed discussions on important topics at Pepperdine. However, this campus and its members have perks not immediately obvious to me.
I’ve never attended another school, so I cannot compare ours to others, but I will say from conversations with other friends that Pepperdine’s accessibility to professors exceeds others. From my own experience, it is the professors who have continuously proven to make this school worth the expenses. Not only have they facilitated discussion and been the stimulus for creativity, but they have also proven to genuinely care for my success inside and especially outside the classroom.
Personally, if it weren’t for the professors taking the time out of their busy schedules (they are busier than the most over-achieving student) to sit down with me and talk about life, then I would not have had the support I needed to finish college. That’s a bold statement, I’m aware, but it is true in my case. Class discussions and high standards have pushed me to new limits. Individual consideration and guidance have pushed me to succeed. Professors at Pepperdine matter.
So, after the years of deadlines and sleep deprivation, I have come to the conclusion that these four years have been home to many fond memories and relationships. Even as the creeping panic of the next phase fast approaches, I know it will be alright, and no matter what, I can be satisfied with the choices that led me to today.
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Follow Ashlie Benson on Twitter: @Ashlie_Corina
