A group of students engage in conversation while one holds a disco ball on Upper Mullin on April 16. The disco ball reflects how every person has different facets of personality. Photo by Soliel Lara Aponte
Even as time moves on and people grow older, they remain the same at their core. Personality is one of the few things in life that cannot be fully changed.
Personality is a person’s usual thought patterns, feelings and actions, according to Letters and Science. It’s what makes everyone unique and is the foundation of who people are.
“A lot of people tend to read what the other person is comfortable with and they tweak some of their attributes, their language or mannerisms to match what is satisfactory to the next person,” first-year Kayla Voskanian said. “People are still who they are to their core, though; you can never really change your whole personality.”
Shifting Personality Traits: Intentional or Unintentional?
More often than not, people shift certain traits of their personality based on surrounding situations, and it’s typically unintentional.
Dori Lansbach, assistant director of Relationship IQ, said changing oneself when it comes to relationships can be normal — to an extent.
“We all tend to bring different qualities to different relationships,” Lansbach said. “With friendships, we’re a bit more playful. Adaptability is healthy, but losing your core beliefs is not healthy.”
For people who have anxious attachment, Lansbach said they may feel the need to hide or change core parts of who they are. Moreover, people who are avoidant may have a core fear they might lose themselves in a relationship, so they may not bring their full self out in an effort to maintain some distance.
“At the core level, it gets dangerous when we try to change ourselves to gain connection,” Lansbach said.
Senior Brantley Holladay said she believes personality shifts are unintentional. Holladay said as someone grows closer to her, they begin to get a stronger idea of her whole personality.
“It’s not a bad thing if different personality traits shine through at different times,” Holladay said. “I used to be so insecure about being so outspoken with certain groups and shyer with others, but I’ve accepted that about myself because it’s impossible for everyone to know my full personality.”
Lansbach said personality shifts are mostly inadvertent since they often have to do with a person’s sense of self-worth.
“A lot of it is unintentional, especially if it’s a romantic relationship,” Lansbach said. “It depends on people’s sense of who they are and knowing their self-worth.”
While it can sometimes depend on the person, personality shifts are often unintended, Voskanian said.
“It’s natural for me to change my mannerisms based on who I’m around,” Voskanian said.
Causes of Personality Shifts
Holladay said that as people grow, their interests naturally tend to change and develop, leading to shifts in their personality.
“My friends here know that I love Beyoncé, whereas even my family at home doesn’t know the extent of which I love Beyoncé,” Holladay said. “It’s because it’s a college development, because even a year ago Beyoncé wasn’t a huge part of my personality.”
Changing personality around others starts with just changing certain behaviors to feel more connected, Lansbach said. If someone continues to constantly change their behavior over time, it can be hard to not lose yourself entirely.
“It doesn’t have to be a drastic change, it can be a slow shift for sure,” Lansbach said. “But, if you have stable, healthy friendships, family relationships, a strong connection to your faith, therapy, people who know you or even just spending time with yourself and reconnecting with your core can help bring back your core self.”
Usually, there are specific situations or people that cause individuals to shift personality traits. In a relationship, Lansbach said individuals who do not feel secure enough tend to match their partner’s opinion — this may also apply to unhealthy relationships or friendships.
“Not feeling fully accepted, they may tend to just agree with what that person believes — a lot of times it can be out of a fear of just not being accepted,” Lansbach said.
Voskanian said a situation that comes to mind for her is family versus friends.
“With your parents, your aunt, your grandma, you have more respectful mannerisms because you always have to respect them,” Voskanian said. “When you’re with friends, you can be as casual as you want to be. You change your mannerisms so it’s satisfactory to the other person.”
It’s natural that certain situations may cause people to shift their personality traits, Holladay said. In social settings, people may want to hide parts of their personality if they’re insecure about feeling accepted.
“We all have one personality but different aspects of a person may shine through at different points of life,” Holladay said.
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Contact Alicia Dofelmier via email: alicia.dofelmier@pepperdine.edu or via Instagram: @aliciadofelmierjournalism