By Sarah Pye
Living Editor
In an attempt to gain a little culture, I went to see Sofia Coppola’s most recent film, “Lost in Translation.”
Now, of course, by “gain a little culture,” I mean “become exceedingly bored while consuming approximately 68,000 cubic tons of popcorn in a movie theater.” Because, let’s face it, the more “artistic” a film is purported to be, the less action happens in it.
The inverse relationship between artistic merit and actual events occurring has proven true time and time again.
For instance, in a film that is not widely known for its artistic achievements, such as “Shanghai Noon,” lots of things happen.
Why, in the first five minutes of that movie alone, Jackie Chan personally beats up more people than appear in the entire two-hour run of “Lost in Translation.”
Also, in the Chan film, characters get to have excellent names, like “Nathan Van Cleef” and “Hooker in Distress.”
Sadly, this was not the type of film that I got to see. Basically, “Lost in Trans-lation” has achieved such a height of artisticness that nothing actually happens in the film at all.
Really. It seems impossible, and yet it’s true. Bill Murray’s character Bob, a depressed aging actor, meets Scarlett Johansson’s character Charlotte, a depressed newlywed, in a Japanese bar. And then they proceed to do … nothing. In Japan. For two hours.
In fact, if I were to sum up the point of “Lost in Translation” in a single sentence, it would certainly be, “She doesn’t wear pants.”
This is true. Johansson spends roughly 80 percent of the movie pantless. Just exactly why this is, remains a mystery. Perhaps in Sofia Coppola’s world, that is what really bored people do – walk around in their underwear.
In the few instances that Charlotte does throw on her khakis to rendezvous with Bob, the two end up having scintillating conversations:
Bob: Even though I am very rich and famous the world over, I find my life empty.
Charlotte: And though I am young and beautiful and have a strange aversion to pants, I too am depressed.
Bob: Life has lost all meaning.
Charlotte: You know, I find myself strangely attracted to you, though you have not aged particularly well since “Groundhog Day.”
The one highlight of the movie comes in a bizarre scene in which, for about a minute and a half, Bill Murray lines up and executes a rather excellent golf shot. Again, we’re not particularly sure of why this is, but it did remind this movie-goer of another non-artistic film in which lots of things do, in fact, happen – namely, “Caddy Shack.”
Of course, I then proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes internally reciting Murray’s “Cinderella Story” monologue from “Caddy Shack,” and picturing him whacking the heck out of those poor marigolds.
I have no clue what happened in “Lost in Translation” during that period of daydreaming, but, judging from the rest of the film, I doubt I really missed much.
November 06, 2003