Daniel Johnson
Art Editor
Don’t be the guy in the movie theater who thinks that his opinions on the upcoming releases are important enough to share with the entire audience. When you are going out in a group to eat dinner and when the check comes everyone pulls some money out of their wallets, do not be the guy who opens the top of the wallet and looks inside (even though you know that there is no cash in there) and pulls out a credit card. Don’t be that guy who forwards the stupidest e-mails ever: “If you forward this e-mail to 20 people Microsoft will send you $1,000 for every 20 people.” Don’t be that guy who signs up for the store credit card when there is only one checker and a line behind you.
These might sound pretty self-explanatory, but I guarantee that there are a lot of people who need to take note of the “that guy” way of life. The “don’t be that guy” originates from the movie “PCU.” This movie taught us the fundamentals of life through the timeless “that guy” example: Don’t be the guy who wears the shirt of the band he is going to see.
What many people miss is that “don’t be that guy” is more than a single instance of aversion. It’s much more than that – it is a way of life.
Some motivational theories attempt to make the world a better place. They preach for everyone to be nice to everyone else. I am saying nothing of the kind – it is not your responsibility to make other people happy. (If that Good Samaritan stuff is you cup of tea, more power to you.) All I’m saying is that people have an obligation to themselves not to be “that guy.” It is a simple concept of self-respect.
These are stupid things everyone does that anyone can avoid. It is simply a coincidence that others benefit when the “that guy” episodes are avoided.
Don’t be the guy who cuts you off and then slows down. I can understand being in a hurry or being obtuse. I have cut people off before, sometimes on purpose, but I always make a point not to make them wait more than once. So if you cut someone off don’t make that person apply the brakes more than once. Instead, accelerate out of the way. The same principle applies to Malibu Canyon. Don’t be that guy who tops out at 35 mph through the whole canyon. I’m all for slow and safe driving, but when you motor past every turnout with 47 cars behind you there is something wrong.
This might be an appropriate time to address the gender specificity of the “that guy” mentality. The truth is, if you are male, you are much more likely to succumb to the pitfalls of “that guy.”
For example, if someone is inching along on Malibu Canyon, and I finally pass the offending vehicle and see a blond vixen behind the wheel I would conclude: “It’s just a woman driver, she doesn’t know any better.” But women, do not take your immunity for granted. At times women are as guilty as men.
The nuances of “that guy” are hard to explain. In truth, seeing “that guy” is like being in love – you can’t quite explain it, you just know.
I’m not saying “do nothing,” I’m saying “stop being stupid!” If you are playing a joke or being a jerk you aren’t that guy. It’s oblivious stupidity that earns you that name.
Don’t be that guy who feels the need to speak in class so intensely that you answer rhetorical questions. Don’t be that guy who leaves a milk carton with half an inch left for so long that it attains the consistency of butter and don’t be that guy who wears his cell phone in a holster on his hip.
So please . . . don’t be “that guy.”
09-16-2004