By DeNae Thomas
Staff Writer
Dear RA:
My grandmother’s house was burned down by the Grand Prix fire. I try to concentrate on my studies, but all I can think about are the Thanksgiving and Christmas memories we shared there and all the birthdays we celebrated. I can’t imagine how she is coping with all of this and I really feel like I should be there helping her. It seems like everyone around me is going on with business as usual – but I just can’t seem to get my act together. What do you think is wrong with me? I am overwhelmed by all the destruction. Why can’t I just get over it like everyone else?
Devastated in D Suite.
Dear Devastated:
All of us were affected by the recent fires in one way or another, but some students were naturally much more emotionally impacted. When you experience something firsthand, it is harder to cope than when you simply hear about houses being burned on the news. Since you had a loved one directly affected, it will be particularly difficult for you to “shake it off” and go on with business as usual.
In fact, denying your pain and suffering in silence are harmful ways of coping because they only lengthen the anguish you are experiencing. It takes time to heal properly. You can’t expect yourself to concentrate in classes and hang out with friends as effortlessly as before the fires.
Fortunately your professors at Pepperdine are understanding—make sure to communicate with them about the trouble you are having in school.
Common reactions to a traumatic incident include difficulty concentrating, prioritizing and decision making. You may find you are angry, anxious and forgetful. All of these make school work particularly challenging, so you must make sure to address your pain, not ignore it.
Please read some of the suggestions for coping from the California Mountain Area Safety Taskforce (CalMAST) and the U.S. Department of Agriculture Forest Service:
• Give yourself the time and space to heal.
• Be compassionate toward yourself.
• Do what is good for you. Do something you enjoy.
• Let yourself experience and deal with your true feelings.
• Don’t detach yourself from the incident or deny that it really happened.
• If you need assistance and support from someone to deal with your feelings, find the person and ask for his or her help, whether that is a friend, a minister, or a counselor.
• Let yourself grieve for people or possessions you have lost. Say goodbye in a meaningful way if you haven’t already.
• Process any feelings of guilt or responsibility that you have for what happened.
• Use others (friend, minister, supervisor, etc.) to help you get an appropriate perspective on guilt and responsibility issues.
• Take care of any lingering feelings of survivor guilt (guilt that others suffered more than you) that you might have.
• Get back to your normal routines as soon as you can.
• Don’t isolate yourself. Spend some positive time with friends.
• Take good care of yourself physically and emotionally. Take care of all health problems. Eat right. Try to get enough sleep.
• DON’T turn to alcohol or drugs to avoid your emotions. Deal with your feelings directly.
• Take time within yourself to adjust your view of reality and accommodate what you have experienced. Don’t avoid the truth, but don’t avoiding living either.
• If troublesome emotional reactions continue, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor.
November 13, 2003