By DeNae Thomas
Staff Writer
Q: Whenever my roommate was in a bad mood, I would get her to come out dancing or shopping and she would snap out of it –- but now something is different. I think something is seriously wrong. I don’t know much about depression, but I think this may be the problem. She stays in the room all day, sleeping or watching T.V. I don’t really know how to describe it, but she’s not her usual self. No matter what I try to make her happy again, it doesn’t work. What should I do?
Helpless in Housing
Dear Helpless:
Let me begin by making the disclaimer that I am not an expert when it comes to serious topics such as depression. I do know, however, that it is a growing epidemic on college campuses, and you are wise to have recognized that your roommate may be depressed. There are several excellent resources on the Internet or in the Health Center that you can look to for educated guidance.
During the past few years of being an RA, I have noticed two different types of depression in students. One form occurs for generally less than two weeks and is usually overcome. Freshmen may experience this during their first few weeks away from home when they realize their family and friends are hundreds of miles away. Sophomores overseas may become overwhelmed living in a new country, while sophomores in Malibu may be missing their friends who are in international programs.
Juniors are often overwhelmed by demanding course loads and major decisions. Seniors get depressed if they don’t know what they want to do after graduation or don’t want to leave all the friends they have made in Malibu.
All these issues can be overcome as students learn new ways to cope and establish dependable relationships.
Other forms of depression, however, are much more serious. Chronic or clinical depression can be caused by many factors and cannot be simply “gotten over.” If you discover your roommate is suffering from severe, extended depression, you should encourage her to consult her doctor. The Health Center can give recommendations. You should also make your RA aware of the situation.
No matter whether your roommate is depressed or what form of depression she has, you need to make sure to take care of yourself during this challenging time. First of all, you cannot take the burden of your roommate’s depression on your shoulders alone. Continually encourage her to seek counseling, visit a doctor and talk to her RA. All you can do is be there to listen if she ever does want to talk. Other than that, let her go through the grieving process she needs to in order to recover.
Remember that depression can be a very serious illness, and there is nothing you can do to make your friend “snap out of it.” Do what you can to encourage her through the healing process, but make sure not to become so wrapped up in her pain that you forget to maintain your own responsibilities and relationships.
October 30, 2003