By Sarah Pye
Living Editor
With the recall date looming closer and closer, it seems the whole world had its eye turned toward Sacramento. While the veritable freak show that has descended on the town continues to be the hot topic in the news, I find it tragic that so few people are aware of what the essence of Sacramento truly is.
Everyone but Big Bird is campaigning for governor of California, and yet how many of them have taken the time to explore their potential new hometown?
So, as a service to the 135 potential new residents of Sacramento, I, a Sacramento-area native, will hereby selflessly use this week’s 500 words to bring you this, a Guide to Everything You Need to Know to Pass for a True Sacramentan.
First, a lesson on the city’s name.
As any Latin scholar with an alcohol problem can tell you, the term “Sacramento” comes from “Sac,” meaning “a city,” and “ramento,” meaning “obsessed with its basketball team.”
This is a lesson all Los Angeles natives should waste no time learning upon a visit to their capital city. We Sacramentans only have one major professional sports team, and by gum are we going to take it seriously.
The Sacramento Kings are characterized by dedication to their fans, as evidenced by the fact that, currently, none of the players is accused of any type of assault on a member of their fan base.
Also, at www.nba.com/kings, fans can get all the latest news on their favorite team in seven different languages. (This number is soon to be eight, as a note to Serbian Kings fans states: “Dobrodoshli!” which probably translates roughly to “Predrag Stojakovic is God!”)
But moving on to the next important point that all Sacramentans should be aware of …
The bizarre tale of the Tower Bridge.
The bridge was built originally in 1935 to span the Sacramento River and connect Sacramento proper to the city of West Sacramento (which, for those unfamiliar with Northern California geography, is located just to the — surprise! — west of Sacramento).
In its many years serving the city, the bridge, originally an unassuming shade of beige, had become a bit dingy, and was in need of a new paint job. And so, in their infinite wisdom, Caltrans decided to have the people of Sacramento vote on a new and hip color to paint the downtown landmark.
When the bridge was finally repainted, the results were astonishing. The city waited with bated breath, until, early this year, the newly painted bridge was finally unveiled. The verdict? The city, with one voice, had risen up and proclaimed that the ultimate hue in bridge design must certainly be: beige.
Interestingly, as you may recall, this is the very shade that the bridge was in the first place. The color that the city had technically voted on was “metallic gold.” However, when the whole thing was over with, the city sort of scratched its collective head and said, “Hmm. Doesn’t look too different.”
Anyway, moving right along to our next point, Sacramento, by virtue of being the capital city, plays host to the California State Fair every August.
As those who have attended know, the official motto of the fair is (or, in the event that this is not the motto, it really ought to be): “Everything is fried. And served on a stick. Yes, even that.”
The exquisite array of dining options is definitely the highlight of the State Fair experience. We’re not just talking corn dogs here, friends. No, no – the fried-food-on-a-stick industry has branched way, way out, and now includes corn, twinkies, candy bars, tofu, bok choy and Pomeranian. And that’s just on the sidewalk before you get in the gate.
So there we have everything a true Sacramentan needs to know – the Kings, a beige bridge and fair food.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go vote. And for those who were wondering, yes, I am definitely going to be pulling for Big Bird to sweep as a write in.
October 02, 2003