CHRIS MAYER
Staff Writer
It’s 6 p.m. and she’ll be over in an hour. You’re running around your nasty dorm room trying to make it look presentable. As socks, shirts, shoes, papers and sheets fly through the air, you realize something horrible: You’re a broke college student living in a dirty dorm room who is about to make a fool out of himself. You have no food, nothing to drink, your music sucks and your room smells horrible. Stop, take some deep breaths and follow these few simple steps to make the night a success.
Find the crazy kid with the good music. Every dorm has one. These guys are easy to find as they play music all day and night, have two or three instruments crowding the room and make it a point to ask everyone and anyone, “Wanna go to a show tonight?” These people are so proud of their collection that they’re usually more than happy to burn you as many CDs as you need and often more than you want. Get something instrumental and jazzy — it makes good background music and promotes good conversation. The last thing you need is some angry rocker interrupting your evening by screaming about how he hates the world. No one wants to hear your crappy high school music or some 50 Cent mix found on the Internet.
Now that you’ve updated your music, take care of that nasty funk in your room. By funk, I mean the moldy burrito under the bed. Ralphs stocks a whole arsenal of deodorizers, plug-ins, time-release scented balls and sprays. If you really want to be cheap, just throw some dryer sheets on the back of your dorm fan and, presto! Your room now smells like fresh, clean laundry just like mama used to make it.
Get supplies. Go to Ralphs: It’s not far, and if you don’t have a car, get some social skills and make a friend who does. Stay away from the soda aisle and hit up the juices. They are tasty, healthy, usually on sale and won’t make you burp. Once you have your drink of choice buy a small bag of spinach greens, an avocado, mozzarella cheese and some cherry tomatoes. You can also grab tomatoes for free from the Caf if you want to be really cheap. Lastly, grab a box of plastic cutlery and plates.
It’s time to make a salad in just two minutes that will blow this girl’s mind. Put the spinach greens on the plates, slice the mozzarella and avocado and throw them on the spinach along with the tomatoes. Top with some olive and Dijon mustard — these can also be taken from the Caf. It’s not exactly gourmet, but it’s better than microwave macaroni and cheese.
Clean like a mad man. Priority one: trash. Get rid of all those wrappers, soda cans and random papers. Clothes can be pushed into the closet, under the bed and crammed into drawers. As a last resort, turn off the room lights and only use your desk lamps. Point them toward the ceiling or a wall. This will illuminate the top half of the room and cast shadows across the floor, hiding the mess.
Dream of the day when you have off-campus housing. Look forward to the days when you can actually eat at a table, keep whole-size pizzas in your refrigerator, cook in an actual kitchen and drink something besides grape juice and soda. On-campus living isn’t great, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. It’s simply about finding clever little ways to make it work. When dorm life seems to be an obstacle keeping you from doing something, figure out ways to get around it. Bend the rules, test them, prod them and challenge them. Just don’t break them too much.
09-08-2005
