Daniel Johnson
Art Editor
Religion can be a touchy subject.At a school like Pepperdine, however, I believe that religion should be more open topic for discussion.
Many secular individuals have disregarded the value of obtaining an education within the church. I’m not overlooking the obvious benefits of attending church — relationship with a higher being, eternal life or enlightenment, but I’m going to focus on the lesser known advantages like religious holidays, free communion and, most importantly, the principles of “Sitting through” and guilt.
Because we are at Pepperdine and Christianity is what I am most familiar with, that will be the religion discussed in this column. That does not mean that other religions are lesser. Jews have been stereotypically good with money, the Mormons I have known have been crushingly nice and Scientologists write good Sci-Fi novels; this goes to show there is something to religion.
Church provides us with one of the most important skills that a person will ever have to learn — “sitting through.” Sitting through church is good practice for situations that need patience. One time, I was excited to go on a date with a particular girl, but there was a problem — she was in charge of the date. Now don’t get me wrong — it’s refreshing to have a girl take a guy out. I was excited. But when I realized that we were going to see Moulin Rouge, I asked God why he had forsaken me. But then I fell back into the “Sitting through” groove. While I sat, hardly fidgeting, I realized that church had given me a truly wonderful gift.
Everyone can recognize the infinite applications for “sitting through” — doctor’s offices, four hour-night classes and Los Angeles freeways just to name a few. You might think that you can learn the valuable skill of “sitting though” at home or school or through an accredited Internet course. But all of these options don’t give you the complete “sitting through” skill set. In school you can goof off. I draw stuff on paper. I can even sleep or use my laptop, but in church you just can’t goof off too much, and there are times where you stand up and sit down, which prevent effective sleeping. I have actually been prodded by fellow parishioners when it appeared that I might be nodding off. The scornful glance of any professor pales in comparison to the full fledged fury of Ms. Stevens’ gaze. So with Ms. Stevens silently tearing at my soul with her eyes I am forced to stop sketching and just sit still.
Church is also an effective way to receive the necessary amounts of guilt that are required for normal human development. Every human being needs to be aware of the consequences of their actions. That’s why the concept of guilt is so important. Without those little angles on everyone’s shoulders to pester us, society would fall into ruin. Just imagine the kind of things that you would do if you had no guilt. Without guilt keeping me in line, you could see me reeling on a bender through campus, making vulgar gestures to pick up women, while simultaneously robbing an old woman and kicking her poodle. But lucky for me and poodles everywhere, I grew up attending church and received my fair share of guilt.
We all know that our conscience is an essential element in our lives, but how does church develop this conscientious guilt? Everything is a sin. I have original sin to worry about plus all of those unoriginal sins. I mean, have you read Leviticus? I was shucking wheat last Sunday when I was informed that I can’t even do that on the Sabbath. That, combined with Ms. Stevens’ gaze, has me basically convinced that the church is saving us with guilt and keeping society away from chaos.
Hopefully no one was offended by what could be considered blasphemy against Christianity, Moulin Rouge and poodles. Just remember at your next religious service, that on top of the metaphysical wisdom that you are receiving, you are also taking a step towards a better you and a better world.
2-17-2005