By J. Douglas Stevens
Staff Columnist
I have something to say to anyone living in dorm row with a significant other in Towers or apartments: I don’t feel sorry for you! For the past three weeks or so, some students — including yours truly — have been dealing with the fact that their special someone will be spending the semester abroad.
Just imagine for a moment that your boyfriend/girlfriend/ fiancé/’friend’ isn’t on the other side of campus. They don’t live down the coast or through the canyon or even a road-trip away. They are an ocean away and seeing something new (and maybe someone new) every day.
Many opt to “take a break” or keep the relationship open rather than do the long distance thing. Those in the middle of a long-distance relationship probably wouldn’t blame the breakers; it’s not easily done. But there is something to be said for the troopers who stick it out.
Typical conversation between on-campus daters may go something like this:
“But I just came from main campus, and besides, I visited you last time.” He responds: “Now, if I knew you were this lazy, I would have found me a girl that lived in dorm 10.” She gasps. “You jerk,” she screams as she hangs up the phone by hurling it toward her closet doors.
Consider the loosely based dialogue above. Next time that couple sees one another, they can kiss and make up. They can pout and front the cold shoulder or they can slap box and get it all out. However they handle their situation, they can do it face to face. With 5,000 miles between you, it’s impossible to see the other person’s face.
Countless nonverbal cues are exchanged in a confrontation such as the one sure to follow the previously mentioned scene (shout out to COM 200). Eyes, lips, posture, head tilts and the like. Take those out of the picture and you have yourself a severely handicapped communication.
On the phone, we compensate with voice inflection, volume, tone and the occasional sarcastic quip. Let’s just say the phone gives us more opportunities to be misunderstood, misread and sometimes taken for a complete idiot. But at least you can’t be slapped over the phone. Finally, take away the voice and what is left? The written word.
I’m no expert, but from what I have heard and what I have experienced in the past three weeks (that felt like three months), I have found that the written word is the best medicine for the overseas blues.
Gallagher, the watermelon-smashing comedian turned gubernatorial candidate, once posed a very interesting question. “If the world is getting smaller, then why is the price of postage going up?”
We carry on international, even intercontinental affairs via technological devices. I can’t help but think ‘techno-logic’ IS the vice.
E-mail is great. It’s an easy way to stay in touch. But use it sparingly. Instant Messaging is revolutionary, it gave us a whole new form of Internet abuse, but save it for desperate times. For the next few months, you and your loved one will be sharing none of the same experiences, save the desire to be with one another (hopefully), and you must remember this when communicating.
Letters work wonders. They give you a chance to sort out your thoughts and deliver them uninterrupted. It’s like writing in a journal that you know someone is going to find and read anyway. You can be as specific, as vague and as creative as you want to be. In a way, you prescribe the interpretation.
There’s something special about getting a hand-written letter in the mailbox, addressed to you, that just does not come across in an e-mail or IM. If you like getting into shouting matches on Instant Messenger, then be my guest. But why type in all caps and make yourself look like a fool, when you can sit down and write a letter?
October 02, 2003