Virgo

No, you cannot have that pint of ice cream.

Scorpio

Why go out when you can stay in? No one ever regrets the nights they marathon their favorite shows.

Capricorn

If you think you’re too out-of-practice to play Temple Run, don’t worry — your muscle memory has you covered.

Pisces

Don’t forget to pay your bills this month.

Taurus

Children don’t like you.

Cancer

Buy some crayons and coloring books. It’s amazing how relaxing coloring can be.

Libra

Save time in the morning by brushing your teeth while you shower. Or shower while you brush your teeth.

Sagittarius

The tickets are cheap and you really want to go, so do yourself a favor and go.

Aquarius

Just because procrastination has worked up until now doesn’t mean it’s always going to work.

Aries

Invite your friends over for dinner and figure out which one is scheming to destroy you.

Gemini 

Not all arguments are 50/50. There are right and wrong answers.

Leo

“Breaking Bad” may have ended, but the “Sons of Anarchy” still ride on.

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As published in the Oct. 3, 2013 issue of the Pepperdine Graphic.

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