Michael Hurlbut
Intramural basketball has reached new lows at Pepperdine. OK, well maybe not the program as a whole, but my C-League team is definitely shoving it in that direction. We have redefined awful and are now moving toward disastrous.
We fought for 40 minutes Monday night only to fall victim to a late scoring run by our opponents, leaving us dumbfounded as to what went wrong. I looked to the scoreboard. We averaged half a point a minute on the night. Gee, is that bad? No? I don’t know.
I think we turned the ball over at least 20 times in our game. Of course, it doesn’t help when none of us can dribble more than 10 feet without falling over or getting picked by some five-foot-tall assassin with a blonde ponytail.
The highlight of Monday’s game came when both teams were lining up in the paint for a free throw for the bad guys. My roommate jumps up from the chairs above the court and starts screaming at the girl about to take the shot, visibly throwing her off her game. I couldn’t help but laugh as I realized what C-League has truly become: a cutthroat struggle in gender relations.
I have no problems whatsoever with girls who want to play ball with the guys. I’ll pass to you. I want you to shoot and score. I want our team to win. But I don’t want to hear excuses about how the lotion you put on your hands before the game makes the ball slippery.
Furthermore, if a girl drives the lane and looks to take a shot, it is free range for man or woman to make an attempt to block. I got a piece of the ball the other night off a girl’s shot and she immediately exclaimed, “Makes you feel good about yourself, huh?”
“Actually, it does. You’re the only person I can block on the court and I just got the ball back, so you better get back on defense. What? You think you’re tough? You want a piece of this?” I didn’t really say that to her, but you can imagine what it would be like if I did … Man, am I a ruthless competitor or what?
Speaking of intramural teams, I’m still pretty fired up on the fact that Gonzaga got rocked by Wyoming last week and that the writers at ESPN.com didn’t pull any punches in dubbing the Bulldogs “Gone-Zaga.” What a fitting end to an “oh-so-close-to-perfect” season. However, I’m still in deep mourning that my Cal Bears lost. Maybe next year guys. Let’s just all hope that UCLA falls flat on its face in the Sweet 16.
Finally, congratulations to Boomer Brazzle for making the ESPN All-Name team. He beat out such rivals as Alpha Bangura of St. John’s, Koko Archibong of Penn and Mackel Purvis of Hampton. Also, King Neptune was listed as an Honorable Mention All-Hair team member. Of course, the beloved Dan Dickau of Gonzaga and his dyed locks headed the top of that list. I guess I should be happy for him, at least he can win something …
March 21, 2002