Though the idea of “ring by spring” isn’t exactly music to Pepperdine students’ ears the convocation series Relationship IQ intends to allieviate the pressure by setting down the basics of dating in its new project the Pepperdine Dating Initiative.
According to coordinators of the initiative their goal is “to help students form healthy dating relationships that will increase students’ relational happiness decrease loneliness and set them on the path to increased relational health.”
“A culture exists where there is so much wrapped up in any date whatsoever that people won’t go out at all said Stewart Davenport, professor of American History and a presenter in the Relationship IQ convocation series.
On Monday, Sept. 14, Davenport spearheaded the kickoff convo, which focused on the three simple rules” for dating.
The three rules clarify traditional dating etiquette for the first second and third through fifth dates.
The first rule regarded first dates: It’s not the man’s job to call and the woman should not have high expectations.
The second rule states that it is the guy’s job to inform a girl whether there will be a third date after the second.
The last rule says that after the third to fifth dates both people need to discuss whether or not the relationship will continue and what the nature of the relationship will be.
“[I want] to see an unhealthy dating culture disappear Davenport said. A culture that creates anxiety timidity high expectations lack of freedom and definitely lack of fun. A culture exists where there is so much wrapped up in any date whatsoever that people won’t go out at all.”
Reactions voiced in the question and answer session ranged from girls expressing their discontent with guys not taking the initiative to ask girls out to one male student asking how soon he could “make a move” on a girl after asking her out.
Some students praised the structure offered by Davenport’s rules.
“I really appreciate them said senior Taylor Kruse. I think they were really well laid out.”
However some students were less enthusiastic.
“Nobody dates like that said freshman Aaron Wilson.
Davenport assured students that the rules were not infallible.
This is a work in progress he said. The rules will hopefully liberate guys to ask girls out.”
The initiative — a component of the Relationship IQ program — is a part of the Boone Center for the Family which is headquartered on the Malibu campus.
“We just really want to help students be able to have really healthy intimate relationships said Hannah Parmelee, director of Relationship IQ. We have seen students struggling so much with dating relationships.”
Parmelee went on to describe how social dating or dating simply to get to know a person of the opposite sex is sometimes rare on Christian campuses. She said some Christian college students are only willing to date someone that they would think about marrying which can be a barrier to forming a healthy relationship.
The Boone Center for the Family and Relationship IQ also want to address the growing concern of the college “hook-up” culture. Parmelee added that several studies have shown that physical intimacy early on is damaging to both current and future relationships.
“Our society is speaking less and less into the lives of young people said Parmelee. Adults are not wanting to advise young people … [they] are not passing on the wisdom.”
Members of Relationship IQ intend to make up for this shortcoming by teaching biblical knowledge of dating rather than forcing students to figure things out on their own. They hope to influence students through the convocations centered on relationships and through their Relationship Week.
Relationship Week Oct. 5 through Oct. 9 will offer a multitude of activities and presentations on all things dating. Students who participate will receive tips on dating etiquette physical closeness and sex how and when to break up how to ask a girl out and how to say no to a boy respectfully and graciously.
Dating tends to be a controversial topic among young people and the project has already caused some mixed reactions in students.
“Going to something like that seems unnecessary said freshman Mike Ivey. You can just talk to your partner.”
Other students like freshman Jackie Ko are interested in what the project has to offer.
“It will be an interesting experience to see what adults think of college dating Ko said.
Parmelee addressed some of the student concerns and said that the program was mostly for people who had experienced negative dating relationships.
This is for people in unhealthy patterns of dating and for people who just are not satisfied with their dating relationships Parmelee said. I think it’s more of a minority of people who have healthy dating relationships.”