Whether or not we get a Valentine of our own, we still can be somebody else’s, and in the spirit of love, that’s what matters.
By Lauren Gustus
Sports Editor
Eighty-five percent of valentines sent are sent by females.
And I don’t have a problem with that.
The problem is that we are listening to what everyone else tells us we should be hoping for on the day of love. As college students who, barring a few exceptions, are still looking for a true love, we attach mainstream expectations to Feb. 14.
When we imagine the “perfect” Valentine’s Day, as most girls and I’d venture to say quite a few guys have done before, we think about complete undivided attention to one another, about sappy cards and red roses.
The moment I decide that receiving a Valentine from a crush is better than getting one from a girl pal, the day is lost (even more so this year, when it is safe to say that there are absolutely no prospects out on the horizon).
Against what standard am I measuring my Valentine’s Day cards? Who am I letting tell me that I should be happier to receive one heart card before another? Shouldn’t I be happy to get any cards at all?
Even in grade school, I remember taping my Valentine’s Day brown paper bag to the front of my desk, waiting until the teacher said we could finally look in the bag and open our cards. Who didn’t keep track of how many cards they got? And who wasn’t super-excited to get a homemade version with red and pink glitter glued to the front? We compared the cards we got with the cards our buddies got even way back then.
So far I haven’t heard about any authority on the day, and instead of following the every one else down the path to disappointment, I am consciously choosing to enjoy the day.
First, I’m going to make sure I let the people I care about know. This is the one day people won’t think you’re strange if you tell them, out of the blue, that you think they are special. I’ll leave them a note, or give them a hug and tell them I want to be their Valentine.
I’m taking a proactive approach to Feb. 14 – instead of wondering who is going to be my Valentine, I’m going to be someone else’s.
I’m going to be just as excited to give a valentine as I am to get one. Everyone knows the warm feelings that come from making another feel good. After all, ‘tis better to give than to receive.
While I’m not quite ready to sacrifice my life for a valentine, I can capture the spirit of those who were doing something for whta they thought was the betterment of others.
Although the traditional exchange of cards originated in the Middle Ages when lovers were supposed to declare their devotion to each other, fortunately the day has evolved so that you can let someone know you appreciate them even i f you’re not ready for a lifetime commitment.
Second, I’m walking into this day with no expectations. I’m not talking about having a pessimistic attitude about the day, but instead clearing my mind of all the trash that the magazines tell me I should look forward to.
I’m taking a “tabula rasa” approach, I’m cleaning the slate of all the good and bad Valentine’s Day experiences I’ve had and stories I’ve heard.
It is an independent but in no way self-defeating alternative to spending your day feeling sorry for yourself. Whatever experiences I have will be OK with me.
That way, I will be excited when I inevitably receive a Valentine from a female, which is a sure bet considering that the statistic at the top and the demographics at this school.
Like other holidays, this one has fallen victim to materialism and is no longer a celebration of the true meanings of love.
By Kyle Jorrey
Opinions Editor
Without a doubt, Americans love their holidays.
In fact, we love them so much, one would be hard pressed to find a date on the calendar that doesn’t fall into any “holiday season.” Though the term is usually reserved for the months of October, November and December, our holiday season actually stretches on for much longer.
And while we all enjoy the time off from responsibility as well as the chance to celebrate the people and events behind these holidays, there’s one big problem. A lot of us have lost the original intentions of these special days.
Blame capitalism, or marketing executives, or whoever, but many of our most beloved holidays have fallen victim to consumerism.
Thanksgiving is no longer about giving thanks for all the wonderful things and people around us, it’s about stuffing your face with as much food as legally possible. Christmas has little to do with remembering Christ’s birth or with the spirit of giving, but much more to do with the spirit of getting gifts, and to the truly cold-hearted, returning gifts.
The list goes on and on, but one holiday that has truly been twisted and turned into something sickly and far from its intended purpose is Valentine’s Day.
The holiday is named for Saint Valentine, who was beheaded in the year 270 C.E. by Emperor Claudius for refusing to accept the Emperor’s law that prohibited marriages (he believed married men made poor soldiers). Despite his ruling, Valentine married men and their lovers in secret, demonstrating courage and an unbending respect for the sacrament of love.
And because of the example he set, a holiday was formed in mid-February to commemorate the feelings of love, and to allow us to recognize our significant others that bring this love to life. Nowhere in there is any mention of the word money, but today, that is primarily what Valentine’s Day is about.
Ask nearly any guy his feelings on Valentine’s Day during the first week in February and you’ll get one of two things: 1. a look of shock as he realizes he has forgotten the upcoming holiday and must think of something to do or buy or 2. a shaking of the head followed by the statement, “Man, I hate Valentine’s Day.” The apathy for this one-time treasured event is a direct result of Valentine’s transformation from a day of love to a day of “Let’s see what my boyfriend/girlfriend gets me.”
Instead of focusing on our relationships, both the good and the bad, we focus on the material aspect, as if to say all the bad can be wiped away if you buy me that special edition teddy bear with matching T-shirt being offered on TV.
Flowers, chocolates, jewelry — they all can be wonderful gifts. But only when they have real meaning behind them. Such reasons would be to say sorry for being a jerk, or to say thanks for taking care of me while I was sick, or thanks for the compassion you showed me when I was going through a difficult time in my life. Acts such as these are true signs of love, and warrant gift-giving.
Valentine’s Day giving, however, is more like relationship protocol — “Oh, it’s Valentine’s Day better run down to the mall and see what’s ‘in’ this year.”
Magazines, commercials and TV all go further to remove all real acts of love from the day in recognition of that very same feeling. Instead of worrying about how we can be a better person or better show our love to our significant other, we worry about whether we’re going to have enough change in our pockets to cover the bill.
With the busy lives most of us lead, sometimes our relationships fall on the back burner and we lose sight of just how lucky we are to have someone, when so many of us don’t. If Valentine’s Day can serve any purpose it is to remind us of this, but we should find a more meaningful way of showing it than with material goods.
This year’s for Valentine’s, I encourage people to save their cash and give their loved one two things far more valuable, their time and their attention. Go on a picnic, spend an afternoon on the beach, take a drive, or simply sit down and talk. Remind each other why it is that we feel the way we do, and why we would rather be spending this moment with him or her, rather than anyone else.
These testaments of love can’t be found at Hallmark, nor can they be purchased online.
So forget about Valentine’s Day and think of old St. Valentine himself, and his refusal to accept the standards set by society. Express your gratitude for how others treat you as often as you can, not just on holidays, and save those flowers and chocolates for when they’re really warranted.
Like when you forget her birthday.
February 14, 2002