Trying to understand the male gender is useless. There’s just no point in attempting to explain a subject that could fill a library the size of Texas. And guys I’m sure you think the same of us females. But hey at least we recognize the fact we usually don’t make much sense. You men on the other hand …
You’re like a package of hot dog buns really. I mean trying to make sense of you confusing creatures pretty much matches the way I feel about buying said buns.
Why hot dog buns come in packages of eight is beyond me. Hot dogs usually come in fives so why don’t their partner buns do the same? No one ever needs eight buns. You’d think I’d be over this conundrum by now but the frustration twisted face and shaking of the head still accompany my trip down the bread aisle every single time.
You see those same expressions magically appear when my brain travels down the Males 101 aisle.
Yet I still I buy the hot dog buns just as I buy into you guys. And the buns taste oh so delicious right after being opened just as you guys seem oh so appealing for the first couple of days. We all know what happens after that though. The buns go bad and you men go MIA.
Bottom line: hot dog buns will never be sold in packages of less than eight. And you men will never be sold as sensible beings.However despite the constant state of disappointment in which you leave my female friends and I time and time again I’m here to help you men.
Several women want to know why you watch football. A good portion of the female gender doesn’t understand the reasoning behind your choice to watch men tackle each other over an odd-shaped brown ball on Sundays rather than watch them try on jeans.
Now men I know you don’t want to bother answering the question yourself because you’re … well either watching football talking about football playing football video games or checking out your fantasy football team’s stats. So I’m gonna speak for all you football-lovin’ men out there and put the question to rest for all my non-football-lovin’ female friends out there.
Why do men watch football? Luckily the answer is much simpler than figuring out what you’re going to do with extra hot dog buns.
First thing’s first girls. You must understand that they don’t just watch football – they live it. Hence the uncontrollable body language in front of the TV. And the way their hands instinctively reach out to snag a pass or scoop up a fumble. And the way they imitate a touchdown celebration.
Football is a sanctuary for men. While females are at church on Sunday mornings the men are entering a heavenly state on the couch preparing for the football gods to swoop them into manly land where they get to worship their quarterback heroes who leave them inspired with Hail Mary passes.
Men see football differently than other sports because it portrays them the way they really are. Think aggressive. Manipulative. Action-oriented. Immune to pain (or so they make themselves believe).
Underneath all this though lies emotion. Yes girls despite the common myth that men don’t do the whole being emotional thing they really do it well during the big game. Not only does the sport allow for male bonding – hugs high fives hoorahs and all – but it brings them back to their childhood days.
Mhmm men are allowed to be nostalgic too. You see the whistle never blew. They have gone through life playing the game over and over again. Watching those games on Sundays (and Monday nights) is an association of a dream that lets men reach out and be a part of something in which they would have liked to participate.
So women let the men have their football Sundays. They would rather not explain it to you because it’s one of the last things on our chauvinistic planet they think is still theirs and only theirs. They’d never admit that though.
When it comes down to Xs and Os – and not the ones found in letters from chicks – football is a game that makes sense to them … unlike the mind games their female counterparts like to play.
Or the games hot dog bun companies like to play with me.