Scorpio: Narnia is in YOUR closet!
Gemini: You are hard working, realiable and fairly dull.
Capricorn: There is a band of feral children on the loose. Go into your dorm room, lock your door, and whatever you do, don’t come out.
Aquarius: Every Aquarius will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia’s likeness in their Apple Jacks at least once…
Pisces: Barney was a Pisces.
Aries: You tend to hold grudges about things that never
actually happened. You gotta stop.
LEO: Try not to procrastinate this week. By that, I mean just don’t even pretend you are going to do your homework.
Taurus: Quit talking to yourself.
Sagittarius: Buy a Snuggie instead of just turning around your bathrobe.
Virgo: Defy reason and purchase a paper weight. It will be fun!
Libra: People say that you are opinionated, which can also mean that you are obnoxious.
CANCER: Be nicer.