During the past year the campus has seen a plethora of issues and events. We all remember the great skinny-jean-versus-realist debate.
Or maybe we recall the “Helloween” scare last semester? Yes throughout the year we’ve endured a B-rated cafeteria and we’ve banded together in revolt against Café Miserable.
We’ve cheered on our pingpong squad to an undefeated season (and a winless season).
And let us not forget the highly anticipated additions of Jamba Juice and La Brea Bakery (at least to look at). And may we all take a second to appreciate the rebirth of jean shorts— I’m wearing a pair right now.
But as the year winds down may we not only look back but may we also look forward. Let us remember and behold. Let us hope and dream.
For some of us these may be our last few weeks in Malibu and to those I say “May you prosper in all that you do and leaving Malibu really sucks for you.” But for the rest of us we look forward to much much more.
In the years to come I have high hopes for this school. And I’m not just talking about the graduated Convocation plan or the legalization of marijuana. No I dream of a campus where honey flows through the valleys palm trees sprout like seedlings… and it would only cost a 30 percent increase in tuition per semester.
Let me take a minute to explain the big plans I have for this lovely place.
First let’s flatten it all out. I’m talking a major construction project to level all the land. If that for some odd reason wouldn’t be viable we should replace every set of stairs with an outdoor escalator. Think of the 8 a.m. trips to the SAC— they’d be something to relish rather than dread.
Second I think we need to make sure not to renew any upcoming cafeteria contracts. When those run out all we have to do is construct one In-N-Out. But what will the vegetarians do you ask? In my vision there is a convenient decrease in the number of accepted new student vegetarians.
If that doesn’t jive with administration Pepperdine has plenty of edible foliage which should sustain vegetarian students for a couple years. If you really love the earth that much go snack on a palm tree date.
Next I say we meet with the Malibu City Council and see if we can get the ocean moved about half a mile in so that Pepperdine is literally on the beach. And if the legislature doesn’t want to change the zoning laws Pepperdine needs to just go ahead and build a campus on the beach.
Any surfing or marine biology classes will be located on the Pepperdine Beach Campus. I also think we’d better do something about this deer problem in the next few years. What if we just accepted a couple kids from Utah and created a hunting major for them? And as for the raccoons what can we do to get those bad boys copulating as fast as possible? I want to see this campus downright infested with those cute little robbers.
Finally with the technology today I think it’s time to create a fleet of Public Safety robots complete with breathalyzing capabilities and curfew-enforcing technology.
Yes I have some lofty goals for this place but with a little financial lobbying I’m sure we can make this dream realized.
So Pepperdine as you go off to pursue summer internships go abroad next year or even come back to this beautiful school may your dreams and hopes be as ridiculous and obnoxious as mine.