By Sarah Pye
Staff Writer
Recently, I purchased a small hardcover entitled, “The Miniature Book of Napkin Folding.”
I was also recently discovered reading the thrilling history of astronomical exploration on a weekend evening by friends returning from a bar. I have never been to a bar.
I’ve been known to iron socks.
These things are a true testament to just how sad my life has become. I mean, one could find the sock thing to be reasonable, but napkin folding? Sure, I’ve mastered the “Bishop’s Hat,” but is this really a necessary life skill? It certainly qualifies me for the International Dork Hall of Fame.
However, if I do make it to the big leagues of loserdom, I would surely not be there alone. For, despite the fact that I once made a seven-foot gum wrapper chain over the course of a single summer, there are certainly others who could rival me for the coveted title of Individual with the Most Time on His or Her Hands.
Allow me to elaborate:
Seal. You may remember Seal (Full name: Sealhenry Olumide Samuel. Really.) for his 1995 Grammy-winning hit “Kiss from a Rose.” Admittedly, Seal has not appeared much on the musical radar screen since that time, prompting some to believe that he was, in fact, dead.
But alive he is. This point, surprisingly enough, was driven home when Seal showed up as one of the Super Bowl commentators for the game’s London broadcast. Which makes sense, because, frankly, when you think American football as shown in England, who else would you want to call the play by play but an aging British pop star?
Apparently, he’s the best they have.
The Guy Who Invented the Rubik’s Cube. Now, is this not the ultimate in pointless activities? The Rubik’s Cube is like the Holy Grail in the world of ways to waste time.
Actually, the inventor’s name (strangely enough) is Erno Rubik, who, according to the official Rubik’s Cube Web site (oh, yes, there is such a thing) was a lecturer for Hungary’s Academy of Applied Arts and Crafts Interior Design Department in Budapest (smile and nod), before his 1974 invention made him “a household name.”
I am personally against anything that is too complicated for me to figure out. I think this is reason enough to have it banned worldwide.
Kevin Bacon. For the man who inspires that all-consuming question, “How many degrees of separation are you?” (I’m only three … pretty darned exciting, huh?), one has to assume the overwhelming level of celebrity he has received due to the board game bearing his name must have gone to his head. Remember the credit card commercials?
Plus, the guy’s got a daughter named “Sosie.” And it was announced that Bacon will receive his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at the same time as Kermit the Frog and the late Gilda Radner. Now there’s a logical trifecta for you. (Perhaps you’ve guessed that I just don’t trust Kevin Bacon. Perhaps you should not trust him, either.)
This is by no means a comprehensive list. However, it does serve to prove one thing, beyond the shadow of all doubt: I definitely have too much time on my hands.
— Are you a potential inductee to the Int’l Dork Hall of Fame? E-mail Sarah Pye at sarah.pye@pepperdine.edu.
February 06, 2003